Christmas in July is now firmly enough entrenched in culture that the Hallmark Channel has an annual programming block and movie release based around it. The holiday’s sprawl is massive, claiming an entire summer month to go along with its traditional footprint of December and decades-long encroachment into November.
That makes lots of people happy, so, great. It’s not hurting anyone. But for those of us without a lot of Christmas cheer, July is tough. In December, there are solstice celebrations and lots of religious observances deriving from that time of year, as humans celebrate making it through the darkest time of Earth’s orbit around the sun.
Chanukah is about the Maccabees, sure, but it’s ultimately a festival of lights set around the winter solstice, that same category. If it’s a light show you’re after, for that summer holiday fix, America’s birthday gets celebrated with fireworks in the night sky after the sun has taken its dear sweet time setting (and everyone has gotten good and drunk, as Ben Franklin intended).
But the Fourth of July is uniquely American, and it’s on July 4 every year. It’s missing the other allure of Chanukah, the mystery of when it will occur each year on our solar calendar, as the Jewish calendar is lunar.
Good news: just as America declared our independence from the British, we can enjoy a new holiday perfect for celebrating… uh…
It’s Flying Ant Day!
There’s natural wonder, as the swarms of flying ants fly so densely, they interfere with England’s weather radar. Also, darkening the skies at the brightest time of year, well, that’s just a perfect inverse of Chanukah, isn’t it?
There’s a spirit of self-determination, as the flying ants are led by young queens to start new colonies, whereupon they stop flying until the next Flying Ant Day.
There’s sexual liberation, as the queens mate with male ants mid-flight, preparing to populate those new colonies.
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